Shyness and She, a rant of two parts and one more

Let me preface this by saying that I'm not a writer. I don't write with a goal or with some great moral imperative. I write because I'm frustrated, and it makes me feel better to put words to my frustration rather than seethe silently.

First part of the rant... "I'm shy until you get to know me." I was checking around FetLife the other day, following random posters' links to their profiles (because I'm always curious what kind of a person would say what) and so many profiles said something to that effect.

But you know what I really see when I see a profile like that? I read, "I don't think I'm very interesting, but please ask me questions so that I can feel interesting." Why? Because those people who are confident--the "not shy" ones--have stories to tell. They're happy to tell their own stories and ask insightful questions about what you say to them. They know that what they're saying is worthwhile to listen to. So if you're quiet at first, and not just because you think humanity is pointless in general, then it just means you don't have enough confidence in conversing with others.

And yes, conversation, especially with strangers, is a learned skill. However, if you're never willing to take the first step, then you'll never learn it. So don't be shy. Everybody's interesting because everybody has his or her own unique life experience. And if you really are that boring, then the second part of your statement doesn't apply, because I will never "get to know you better."

Part two of today's rant: "She" as the default pronoun.

Now, I'm doing my homework, which refers to a person as an example, and this person is referred to as a she. Or I'm learning algorithms, and the example is explained by two groups of men and women--with a whole string of qualifiers. Seriously, this is not necessary.

I'm all for girl-power and gender-equality and what-not. I believe that women and men are equally smart (though of course there are variations with the individuals). I go to regular meetings about women in computer science and engineering in general. And yes, I've gotten into heated arguments with obstinate, chauvinist men who insist that a woman would be automatically less suited for certain positions.

Still, sometimes, people take it too far. The plentiful "she"s on my homework assignments is one such example. I see a female politician, a female scientist, a female doctor. Where are the men? How can it possibly be sexist to refer to them all as "he," but not as "she"?

The extra: Pity parties. I can't stand them. I'll probably write another post about that.