Older Men

Older men, you are creepy. I called my friend Amy today and she said--and I quote--And I went to this club last night, and there were all these old guys there. I mean, I'm not just talking about older, they were like... at least almost 40! They're like my dad's age. That's just gross.

So there you have it, older men. When you go to clubs with cover fees to pick up girls, you will only get the extremely kinky ones and the golddiggers.

And add 10 creepiness points if you're trying too hard to be young. (And 20 more creepiness points if you take pictures of your pale, flabby stomach and post them up to show how young you are.)

Your fantasy is not you

Profiles, guys! Take them seriously, write something both coherent and interesting. If I like your profile, I'm much more likely to respond to you.

And seriously, don't write your fantasy in your profile. Don't do the whole this is how it will be thing. Why? Because if I was interested you at all, I was interested in a mutually-beneficial relationship. I want to know what you would contribute to it and how I can contribute to it. But I don't want to be just a moving blow-up doll for you to playact your fantasy. Whatever we will have should grow organically out of our relationship and our combined personalities than from your strictly preconceived ideal.

Besides, if I wanted to read erotica (which I do), there are plenty of sites for me to go to. If you want to know my favorite stories, just ask.

I hate housework

Laundry, dishwashing, vacuuming... All that just holds no appeal for me. It's not calming, it's not peaceful, and it's certainly not something soothing. Housework is a huff and puff of busywork I'd much rather leave to someone else.

Seriously, last summer (the first time I truly lived by myself), my dishes got dirty and piled so high in the sink that... well, let's just say it nearly became a health hazard. And you know what I had to do to motivate myself to do it? I'd get myself all worked up with a vibrator, and do the dishes before letting myself finish. That is what it took for me to get the housework done. And no, I still didn't enjoy it (the housework part, that is).

When I'm all growed up and settled down, I will pay to have a professional come clean my home. She will do a better job, enjoy it (hopefully), and I'll be helping society by hiring people.

(Saturday is laundry day for me... and ugh...)

[Private] Humiliation and Why It Cannot Be 24/7

I think humiliation would be hot, as well as being made to beg. I won't go any more into details on that, since this is--supposedly--an under 18 okay blog, and not an erotica blog.

But I will expound on my psychology behind this.

See, there are social norms. And your network is usually a web, which means that the people you know are likely to know each other as well. So if you do something that's considered "bad" by one of your acquaintances, your other acquaintances would know, too. This has been proven true with kindergarten ("She likes to read, don't play with her.") to high school ("Did you hear? She got drunk and puked all over the place last Saturday.") and follows you into your adult life ("You don't want to date her; she has self-image issues."). And most normal people care about what others think, if nothing else, because you have more opportunities open to you when you have a good reputation.

So there's a lot to be said for maintaining your image so that you can go far in life. There's also the plain fact--at least for submissives--that our natural tendency is to do what pleases others. And there is nothing that displeases people more than jarring them out of their little established worldview. For most people, I am organized, successful, friendly but slighly antisocial. To them, I am also too workaholic to even consider having a life. Or too organized to ever give up control. So, subconsciously at least, I do my best to measure up to their expectations.

Geeky Thought

A submissive is like a Linux platform. If you were given permission for control, and you know what you're doing, you can have it doing anything you want.

A for-hire-per-session submissive is like a Mac OS. Everybody can use one, as long as you shell out the money for it. And you'll think you know what you're doing with it. But you still have to be really good to actually get into the nitty gritty details to get the full experience (I'd imagine).

A spambot is like Windows Vista. They try to tell you that they're good and real, but all they're really doing is wasting your resources. All the time. And you can't do anything you want on them.

A vanilla person pretending to be into kink is a Windows 7. It's nice to look at, and works as you'd expect, as long as you do things how it tells you to. But if you want anything more or any further customization, say good-bye to either functionality or reliability. Or dual-boot with another OS.

(Wait, so does that mean a person with multiple--and possibily hidden--personalities is a multi-boot machine? What about running parallels, then? A person who is truly a sub but can fake being vanilla enough to make most people happy? Hmm... this needs further contemplation.)

(This post was not meant to offend in any way. I regularly use 7, mac, and linux--ubuntu hardy.)

More Tips for Guys

Stephann made a great post... just thought I'd link to it. He's right on the dot about a lot of things.

Especially names. I think people underestimate how important it is. A generic name screams lack of creativity. So if your name has a number tagged onto it, I can only think that you are one of many, and there's no need to bother talking with you specifically.

Also, if a person does have their IM listed somewhere, go ahead and chat with them. But otherwise, don't ask until you've sent enough emails to established that you're actually an intelligent person. If you can't have a good conversation with me, we cannot have a relationship. Of any kind. (I mean, that's plain common sense, right?)

New Theory...

Everybody has the first truly emotional memory. For me that was when I was eight and told quite plainly that I will have to leave the safety and comfort of my grandparents' home (because my mother missed me). I went from cosseted (seriously, you could not have found a more spoiled eight-year-old than I was) to what seemed like full independence, having to do things autonomously in a strange world with a strange language.

I think that experience probably defines the moment when I decided I can only be happy with someone else over seeing my happiness for me.

So my theory is this: That if your first truly emotional memory was that independence brought you happiness, then you would be a dominant. Otherwise, you'd be a submissive. If you were equally happy, then you'd probably be a switch (or vanilla).

Try it on for size. But of course there would be exceptions.