Labels

I see people labeling themselves and each other all the time. I'm a girl, or I'm a computer science major, or I'm a Chinese American, or I've studied abroad, or I'm cultured, or I'm outdoorsy, or I'm introverted. This is okay when I'm first meeting someone, because they are all true and it gives a good starting point for conversations.

But why perpetuate the labels afterward?

Here's the thing: if I see a post out there that says, "I am a geek and this is why... blah blah blah" the first thing I think of is that you are nothing else. I do get why people like labels: it creates a sense of community. This is especially true for those who have had bad experiences. I've met so many people who want to be friends with me on the basis that they're also an Asian girl in computer science, or they're also studying abroad in Europe, or they've also enjoyed some anime, or something or other. But let's be real: Unless the person's shallow, they're not going to like you for what you are instead of who you are, and you're just going to be let down even more.

When I was in high school, there was a girl who just transfered from China. She didn't really speak English, and since I was one of the few people in my class who spoke Chinese, I was asked to show her around and make sure she got along okay. Well, that's fine. But I still have my own friends, and I wasn't going to abandon them--those with whom I'd already forged friendships--for a mere acquaintance based on our shared knowledge. And when she decided to make fun of my Chinese (for not being very authentic... well, duh, because I've been speaking English), I decided to stop hanging out with her. She then became upset at me for abandoning her. Um, well, sorry, but speaking the same language as me does not give you an automatic friendship.

True story.

The point being, when you're soooooo proud of some label you've put on yourself, not only are you reducing your personality to a very two-dimensional thing, you're also setting yourself up for rejection. Because friendship is not based on sameness, but on trust and willingness to be there for each other. Expecting someone to always be there for you just because you're in the same "category" is not the right way to make friends.

At the end of the day, I understand the willingness to do whatever it takes to have a friend. But let's face it: most people are lonely. Most people think they do not have enough friends, or not enough close friends. Most people are adrift out there in the big, scary world and it's okay!

Just know that most people are just as desperate for love and friendship as you are, and that they feel just as lonely and deprived as you. So when you meet someone, be nice, and find out who they really are and if they're worth befriending. Don't make a decision based on something superficial--such as a person's hobbies or how they were born.